I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
