Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
