dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
