I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
