in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
