I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
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I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
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Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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