My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize