Don't make out with my wife yet
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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