The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
