Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
