when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
