He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
