i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
