why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
