We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
