I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
