Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
