the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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