just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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