i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
