haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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