Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
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I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
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Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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