My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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