Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So vagazzling was a success
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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