my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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