look no pants
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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