I must be too annoying 4 u.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
