You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
