There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize