U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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