Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
