literally had 100 drinks last night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
