i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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