there's paper in my vomit.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
not ubering you a puppy
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
