I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
