I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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