Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
