I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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