Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
