So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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