hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i dont even know how to be here
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
