considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
