One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize