Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
