Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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