a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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