I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
pray to the hookup gods
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
