I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
