you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
