grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
