I think my vagina is haunted
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
