Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
