Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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