New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
