Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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