Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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