If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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