Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
