living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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