You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
