I want to stick my p in your. b.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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