alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
