just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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